Disclaimer: this list is valid for any gender, although some are more specific.
We understand that cis men can be at risk too, but it is generally more physically dangerous for others.

The first red flag is so important that is not numbered – it is the master red flag:

If a man gets offended because you are sharing your location and or his name with your friends, walk away as quickly as possible.
It’s an immediate “no thank you”, it shows that this person has no idea what the world is like, or worse.

1. Insists on ordering your food or drinks.

Controlling, thinks they are/know better than you, may have learned “romance” from movies. It would make sense if that were their favorite place, but to order somebody’s food without asking if it’s okay… we no likey.

2. Has zero opinions

It’s okay to be nervous, it’s okay to want to find things in common with the other, and maybe to exaggerate a tiny little bit, but agreeing on everything and not expressing an opinion might indicate that they’re just hiding the real ones in order for you to like them. Or if they really show no opinion at all, they might be extremely insecure and struggle to, you know, have an original personal thought.

3. Criticizes their exes

Beware of people who do (or at least who do so excessively), especially on a first date, especially if they (multiple they) are “crazy”… maybe they weren’t all that crazy. Not saying you can’t have a very complicated history… but what are the chances? Plus, talking about exes on the first date is generally frowned upon.

4.“You’re not like the other girls”

We suggest a solid sprint. You don’t need someone who will put down everyone else to make you feel special. It’s manipulative, and it’s likely to keep you wanting to prove you are “different”. If you are special it’s because of what you are, not because of what others are not. Don’t fall for this one, it says exactly what your date thinks of women. Bleah.

5. Criticizes everything

The way some one is dressed, the way YOU are dressed, how the food is served, how annoying someone’s voice is, hoe they would have don it better, how they would have managed an event, a feeling, an argument, a whatever else, everything to show that they’re more than the others, that they know better… They probably aren’t, and it’s quite boring.

6. Overdoses the romance

Overconfident or extremely insecure, they probably do that with everybody. Too sweet, too nice, too cool, too good to be true, and for a good reason.
Careful about gifts and lovebombing, it’s a possible base for emotional manipulation and that will never go well. ”But they said they’ve never felt like that before/they are never like this” – this is what a lie looks like, 99.9999% it’s the best way to rope you in.

7. Money talk

In general, talking about money is not the most tasteful you can be when you first meet a person.
If your date talks about the price of everything, from the clothes they or you are wearing, the food you are eating, the cab ride to get there, or their car, or wants to know how much you have paid for x things, or how much you make or how much they make… it could be serious insecurity or an attempt at money-grabbing, either way, keep a healthy distance.

8. They don’t respect your boundaries.

This should go without saying, and yet we need to say it: pay attention to the way your date responds when they don’t get what they want or when you disagree with them. The way someone else reacts to your boundaries can be very telling on whether you are being treated with respect or they don’t really care about your boundaries.
So what could that look like?
Trying to pressure you to stay longer after a date, pushing you to stay for another drink, getting way too close, are a violation of boundaries, nothing less. Each of you has a full right to go, and if any of this happens, you really really should.

9. Backhanded compliments, or “negging”

Negs are annoying because, among the other aspects, they leave you uncertain if what you just received was a compliment or an insult. This is often used as a tactic to cause another person to feel self-doubt, that way (they think) you will become more likely to want and search for approval.

Here are some examples of what negging can look like on a first date:

·        “You look good for your age.”

·        “You’re cute but would be so much hotter with less make up.”

·        “I’m not usually into curvy women, but you’re attractive.”

10. They are rude to others

Even worse if they are nice to you. They are only being nice for a reason. If they treat others poorly, they will do the same with you at some point. Besides, do you really want to be with someone whose behavior you have to apologize for? Nope.

11. They don’t answer reasonable questions or try to make you feel bad for asking it. 

For example, it can be useful to ask someone you are on a date with what they are looking for. It’s a pretty straightforward question and can be answered honestly between adults; there are no wrong answers on their side, they can very well be looking for something different and that’s okay. However, if the response to the question is vague, like “Let’s just go with the flow,” or “Let’s not rush it,” these are signs that A) they don’t really know what they want, and or B) you might not be on the same page.

12. They frequently check their phone or take calls. 

Unless it’s an urgent situation, if your date is distracted and frequently checking their phone or taking calls during your date, it shows that they are not taking your feelings and time into consideration and may have difficulty being fully present if you decide to proceed.

13. Too fast too soon.

If they are trying to speed up the pace of getting to know you too quickly, immediately talking about the future and all of the things you two will do together, in a way that feels “serious and honest”, well, It may feel nice and exciting on the spot, but this can give you a false sense of security which might cause you to overlook other red flags.

14. Self-hater.

Or better yet, if someone tells you they’re trouble, they’re probably right. It’s not cool, they’re not your manic pixie dream girl or your not-really-bad bad boy, a mystery to solve. No thank you, we don’t need that kind of romanticisation.

15. They question your life experiences and choices.

Anyone who seems doubtful when you talk about things that you have experienced, especially if you’re sharing something related to being marginalized, or anything they “would have done differently”, perhaps in a way that was not available to you, or that a choice you made ”doesn’t make sense”… you know that kind of stuff, and nobody wants to live like that, right? They aren’t necessarily smarter or better or wiser than you. Be cautious.

16. A nice guy

A MAN WHO SAYS HE IS A NICE GUY AND COMPLAINS THAT GIRLS DON’T WANT NICE GUYS ANYMORE NEEDS TO BE REDIRECTED TO A SEMINAR ON HOW TO BE A NORMAL PERSON AND A MASTERCLASS ABOUT WHY WOMEN DON’T WANT HIM.
An actual nice guy will prove over an extended time period that he is actually a nice guy. You don’t need to say you are blonde, you just need to consistently have blond hair, which is very easy when you are actually blonde. 

Remember: dating can and should be fun and light, but ignoring red flags in favor of a couple of green-ish ones is not the best idea, for anyone.

The post Red flags you can catch early on appeared first on Five Minutes to Love.

Finally you found the courage to ask your love interest out on a date! Of course you want to impress them, right? And you might want to go all out in an elaborate mega-date to show them how much you care… maybe it’s not the best idea, you know? Get the ball rolling with a fun, original, interesting base, and then just let it roll. You can throw the bowling ball, but you can’t carry it to strike.

On that note, that’s a good option! So:

• Pick among your wide choice of bowling alleys that London has to offer. Like  Hollywood Bowl Surrey Quays, that lets you bowl in your own shoes, has VIP lanes are available with staff at your call! You can head to the arcade afterwards for some old-school fun and games.
  
• Let yourself be amazed by immersive experiences: there are plenty of options, from theatre shows, attractions and more to win a memorable date!
  
• Catch a surprise gig at a secret venue! Don’t overwork yourself, let the fate decide by booking a Sofar Sounds gig. Each intimate secret show has three surprise acts and takes place in living rooms, shops, cafés and other mystery locations across the city, only announced on the same day. This is too cool not to be cool.
  
• Go for a magical stroll among all rare and ancient plants at Kew Gardens: perch under the pagoda, go up the spiral staircase to the picturesque balcony or cozy up in the palm houses for a beautiful all-green experience.
  
•  Take a class together! Get your hands dirty with a pottery taster session at Skandihus (you might be tempted to replicate the Ghost scene, but it’s probably not encouraged). Spend an afternoon learning the basics and leave with a few pieces to commemorate this fantastic date!
  

• Make your date exciting with a treasure hunt for two. Choose from different locations to explore, such as Covent Garden, London Bridge or Soho and attempt to crack the clues and decipher puzzles. For this one you will have to put your head together, and maybe… your faces? But don’t let the smooching help the other teams to the win!
  
• Hire a pedalo in Hyde Park, Regent’s Park, or any pretty body of water you can find! Or why not give a twist to boating by cruising down London’s waterways in one of Skuna Boats‘ hot tubs and barbecue boats, drink in hand, year-round.
  
• Head to Shoreditch and cuddle up on Electric Cinema’s front row bed: get cozy, grab your drinks and snacks, and enjoy your favourite films while sharing a bag of popcorn.
  
• Catch some Shakespeare at The Globe: the location is impressive, the tickets inexpensive and I mean… it’s Shakespeare. It’s got to move up feelings.  You can also join a special tour of The Globe! A 50 minute tour given by expert guide-storytellers Tuesday to Sunday, recreating the stories of the 1599 Playhouse, the London Shakespeare would have known and the Globe reconstruction process in the 1990s.
  
• Is it sunny? Well then grab a basket and get to work to prepare a love-filled picnic to eat in one of London’s many beautiful parks. That’s so, so cute.
  

•  Bring your date to the Seventh Heaven at the Sky Garden, where you can access for free until 6pm (after that, you’re invited to sit at the bar and order a drink, which can definitely be a nice part of the date). Enjoy spectacular views over the capital as the sun sets over it, leaving space to the night lights.
  
• Get on board for this night-time cruise to get an entirely different view of the Thames. Plan your date on a Dinner Cruise and take in the spectacular sights on your ride as you make your way through a four-course meal, all the while enjoying some great tunes from a live performer. And on the return trip, well, it’s time to hit the dance floor!
  
• Spend day to night and night to day at Duck & Waffle  have dinner (or breakfast) accompanied by an epic view if you’re looking for a unique way to start or end the night. This 24-hour restaurant is located on the 40th floor of Heron Tower, offering unexpected combos such as spiced-duck doughnuts, foie-gras crème brûlée and the signature duck and waffle.
  
• Test your date’s competitive side, challenge them to a game of crazy golf at Swingers. as they say, the crazy golf club takes the holy trinity that is crazy golf, street food and amazing cocktails and combines them all into one incredible social experience.
  Reward yourselves with food from Patty & Bun, Breddos Tacos or Made of Dough pizza, plus plenty of cocktails. Check out the Bottomless drinks Sundays!
  
• Explore the Barbican Conservatory’s hidden tropical oasis: Visit on selected dates and grab a drink at the bar. other than that, the Barbican includes a concert hall, two theatres, three cinemas, two art galleries, a library, two trade exhibition halls, five conference rooms, foyers, shops and a conservatory. The conservatory also has a Marriage Licence approval… Just so you know.
  
  

• Book the Planetarium in the Royal Observatory in Greenwich for one of its The Sky Tonight Live sessions, so you can get a front-row view of all the astronomical action! Old-school stargazing means lying outdoors looking up at the night sky, but today’s light pollution would make it quite difficult.
  
• Choose an independent coffee shop to sit down with a special brew, ready to spend quality time with each other. For example, check out the Vietnamese Cà Phê VN is spreading the word through its weekly Saigon street cafe stall at Broadway Market every Saturday where it serves up coffee Vietnamese style. Or make your own customised coffee blend at Coffee Island. You can even choose how your coffee is brewed, including pour over, Chemex, AeroPress, Syphon and cold drip.

When it comes to dates creativity is very important, but remember that what matters the most is the company!

The post Great date ideas in London! appeared first on Five Minutes to Love.

You finally met. Whether through a social network, a dating app, thanks to common friends or just good old fate, you met someone you like and now that a date is in the air (of not already decided) you need ideas on what to do, what is appropriate, or any advice you can get to make this date the first of many more to come.

These situations are loaded with emotion: excitement, nerves, jitters and joy, as well as a sense of possibility and hope of what it may turn into, be it a great romance or just a hilarious story to share with your pals over cocktails later – yes, some dates will simply turn into anecdotes, so don’t overwork yourself over this.

First dates are designed to check your compatibility, so it’s important to do something you actually enjoy (both of you, obviously). They should also be as casual and un-date-like as possible, to reduce the pressure of a first “official” encounter and be able to feel comfortable enough as to open up to each other, without too much formality. It’s okay if you want to do something fancy from the get go if that’s who you are, but don’t forget what the main goal is, here.

Now, to plan a perfect date it is necessary to ask yourself (and them) a few fundamental questions, information you need to know to be able to direct your search for activities to do together.

How long have you been talking? How much do you know about each other? If the answer is “not much”, maybe being somewhere that can facilitate a conversation is more ideal, to get to know each other more.

There are a few options here, some very different from the others, but the common point is that it’s fairly easy to talk while doing any of these activities.

1. Coffee. It is a bit of a classic, but to make it more interesting you could pick one of those really fancy coffee places with the different blends and preparations, a cosy ambiance and the cool décor. It’s easy going, not too much, and you have plenty of room to talk. Make sure your date likes coffe though, or it could go south very quickly!
   
2. Drinks. Another classic, and we suggest you take this advice shaken, not stirred. Find some twist to it, be it the location, the variety of drinks served, or the things happening there. Make it a rooftop bar, an underground speakeasy, an old school jazz club, anything to make it not obvious.

Again, be sure whether or not your date enjoys drinking alcohol. Other disclaimer: if they accept, it doesn’t mean that they have to drink as much as you think they should. Do not be pushy with boundaries, in general but especially with this one.

3. A walk. Now, that might sound lame and cheap, but it can not be! Choose a historically relevant area and get informed about it, so that you can sprinkle tidbits of trivia here and there. Or look for a very panoramic path, although a full hike or isolated places may not be the best idea, for personal safety reasons (yes, not all men, but some men, and they don’t have a flashing sign on their foreheads). Anyway, if a hike is what you are really set on, pick a very public area. Bring a picnic or get some food to eat looking at the view!
   
4. A museum or art expo. Sure, usually you can’t really talk too much there, but you can whisper opinions in each other’s ears and then talk about it sitting in front of a coffee or drink. We suggest you plan it on a weekday or off-peak hours in order to avoid a big crowd that might make it more difficult to communicate.
   
5. Stand up comedy could be great, but you have to make sure you both are on board with the genre, or maybe an open night to get a bit of a mix. Sharing some laughs is a great way to connect, and gives you the chance to learn what makes the other laugh, which let’s be honest, for good or bad, it’s good to know early in the process.
   
6. Trivia night! Sharing a fun activity with the other can very much lower the anxiety of asking and answering all those first date questions. And from the general Trivia, you can switch to your own version and treat it like a game, since you will be already in the mood.
   
7. Walk your dog. But first of all, confirm whether your date likes pups and/or isn’t allergic before planning the date. If they’re okay with fur babies, then why not grab a coffee and take a stroll with your dog in tow? It’s cute, and it’s even better if you both have four-legged friends that you can take with you.

8. Play at a board game cafè. If they are into board games (which you should know beforehand), it can be a great ice-breaker, and it can help the conversation flow as you play into the rivalry of the game. It will give you an insight on their personality, and if you really have nothing to say, at least you’ll be playing!
   
9. Get active! Go skating, or play ping-pong or get the ball rolling at a bowling alley. Axe throwing? Why not! It’s fun whether you hit the target or not… but be careful what you say.

These suggestions are also valid if you know each other a little bit more, it’s a series of simple, fun and entertaining ideas for any future dates along your path!

Now, if you have been talking for a while, maybe you already have a notion of what the other likes and you can expand a little.

Here are some more possibilities, although the art expo/museum, the stand up comedy or the jazz club stay very viable options always.

Points 10 and 10.1 can definitely be used for the first section too, although personally I wouldn’t venture into a multi-hour date somewhere off (depending on where you live) not knowing much about the other person. Sure, if the conversation is dead at least you have the food, but, you know.

10. Dinner. As previously said with the classics, find something that makes it different (not to say unique). It can be the other’s favorite cuisine, or a particularly cool location, like those moving trams with live music that take you around the city to show you the nightlights. It’s cute, but you need to know beforehand if your date suffers from motion sickness, or the risk of disaster is right behind the corner… quite literally.

11. Farmer’s market. Walking among the fresh produce, getting bits and bites and tastes of everything possible, seems like a dream date, but it might just be me. Tasting home produced honey and cheese and veggies and jams in the countryside? Yes please.

12. But it’s actually more like an 11.1: If you know some stuff about each other, maybe you know whether they like cooking or not, and if they would enjoy getting their hands dirty to make a (hopefully) delicious meal together. Or if you’re a good cook, you could very well show off your skills to impress them!

13. Cinema. You already know the gist. Take a classic and polish it up to make it something more than just the movies. It would be a good idea to find out the genre your date likes, or perhaps if there are screenings of their favourite film somewhere, or some curious cinemas with some sort of notable feature, like longevity, or décor, something special in some way.

14.  Theater. Just as the previous point, but you also have to be sure that the person you are inviting actually likes theater, because that is not a given, and there are many different forms of it. So be a little careful here. You can go and look up classical plays that strike right in the heart or think-pieces to discuss afterwards, either way, you can elaborate a lot, and that is a good way to get to know how the other thinks. And if you hated it, you can laugh about it later.

15. Take a class together. Book a class of something, be it a cooking class, a painting class or pottery something else (beginner level). If private or with a group, it is up to you. If it doesn’t work out, at least you both have learned something new!

What matters the most is that who plans the date needs to put some effort into making it something that feels thought, and that shows the other that you care and have an actual interest in getting to know them.
Beware of over-planning: despite of being born from the best intentions, it could actually lead to a negative result because it can become “too much”, be unnatural and give a tense vibe that is the exact opposite of what we are trying to achieve.

These were out top suggestions on what to do on a first date, hopefully whichever you choose will be the one to win your interest’s heart.

The post First date ideas for the win! appeared first on Five Minutes to Love.